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Your Sensuality Is Your Vitality



As someone who supports people around their sensuality, I'll never cease to be amazed by the immense power of sensuality. It is literally our life force. When we tap into our sensuality, we tap into a bottomless source of vitality. It is literally where life comes from! Seriously, mind blown.


If you could be a fly on the wall of my office throughout the day, you would see people from all different backgrounds. You would see people from all different racial and ethnic backgrounds, all different ages, shapes and sizes, different occupations, gender expressions, sexual orientations, political and religious beliefs, the list goes on. If I could put all these folks in one big room they would not seem like they go together or relate to one another, just a random group of strangers. However, there is something that unites all of them, and that is their profound capacity to experience pleasure and the vastness of life giving energy and joy that gives them when they experience it. I see people who are stressed in life...at home, at work...they are stretched thin and have so much going on they feel they can barely keep it together. Sometimes even I wonder, will I be able to help? Is there still a spark of life in there?


Once they get onto the massage table, naked and vulnerable in front of me and I pour the warm coconut oil into my hands a transformation begins. I take a deep breath and feel their warmth in front of me. I let the warm oil trickle down onto their back and begin smoothing my hands slowly over their skin. They often sigh, and I can feel their bodies soften and let tension go. I lean in to hear their breathing and bring my cheek to theirs...I kiss their cheek and I feel more tension leave the body. I am guided by their sighs, their breathing, their movements and shifting...I attune to what this body, this person needs. I find the places that clearly feel so good to be touched. I pour love and care into those places as their breathing increases. I feel them breathing in the pleasure and joy of being touched the way they want to be touched.


I lean my body into theirs, caressing long strokes up and down their body and letting them feel me there with them as they enjoy my skin against theirs. I let them feel my weight and strength, holding them securely down as if to say, "it's okay, I've got you"...their body responds with a resounding "yesss". When they turn over to face me, I see eyes full of wonder and I gaze back into those eyes with love and reassurance, again saying "I've got you, I'm here.” It is in this moment I feel most in touch with what it means to be human. They can feel it too. We are just two souls connecting, seeing and touching one another outside of time or space. Completely present precisely in this moment together. As the sensuality heightens, I see them come alive. Their body moves, sways, shutters, contracts, and expands. Like a dance that is unique to each person. Many times the arc of this dance reaches an intense peak and I see and feel moments of complete joy that settle down to the most pure relaxation imaginable. There is a restfulness and peacefulness that is as still as calm water.


In the two plus years I've been seeing clients in these most vulnerable of spaces, this sensuality has always been just beneath the surface with every person I meet. Just waiting to come out.


Nothing brings me more joy than tapping into sensuality in the most mundane of settings! For me the grocery store is an adventure in imagination...I delight in looking around at the people around me to sense all of that vitality. We are all sensual creatures just waiting to be touched. To come alive. I don't care how "boring" or "reserved" someone looks, I promise you there is a sensual person beneath the surface that may just surprise or even shock you.

My experiences being a swinger have shed light on this as well. I observe an even greater diversity of people in the swinging and polyamory community, and I tell you there is truly no way to judge a book by its cover. You would never be able to guess who is into what. I meet teachers, lawyers, construction workers, cashiers, business owners, nurses--heck I've even met a pastor or two over the years. Our culture heavily stigmatizes sexual expression, yet what I have found is that it doesn't matter who you are or what your background is, you still likely enjoy sex.


So many people carry around shame and fear about their sexual desires. They feel they are wrong or broken for wanting or liking what they like. They think they must be the only person in the world who feels this way. Yet they are literally standing right beside other people who share in their desires at the grocery checkout! I'm telling you--that older woman with the mom jeans and innocent look--she just may be a kinkster (can I tell you how many couples in their 60s and 70s I see at the local swingers club...yes you are still HOT regardless of your age!)! That dad with the dad bod and corny jokes...he's into butt stuff. The stay at home mom with the yoga pants? She's into gang bangs. We are all sexual people with the ability to tap into this bottomless well of sensual life-giving energy. Where else can you get that?! I truly believe that if we all made more time for our sensuality, to really lean into pleasure (whether solo or with a partner..or two...or more!), the happier we would all be. Sensuality is self care.

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